In the wake of a loved one’s breast cancer diagnosis, several emotions tend to swirl together, often times creating confusion and anger. However, there are many resources available to help ease the pain. In recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we are honored to welcome our very own Vincent Brown, a Customer Service Representative at Alex and Ani, as a guest blogger. Below he shares his personal experience with his wife’s battle with breast cancer and how the Gloria Gemma Breast Cancer Resource Foundation proved to be an invaluable resource.
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My name is Vincent Brown and I lost my wife to breast cancer. I work at Alex and Ani and never felt comfortable talking about my journey and the support I received from Gloria Gemma, but in support of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and the many families going through a similar journey because of this life-changing disease, I wanted to share my story.
Tracy was 45 years old when she lost her long and tiring battle. She was first diagnosed in 1998, two months before our wedding. After our wedding weekend she started her first round of chemotherapy and radiation. It was tough because of how sick the treatments made her, but she beat the first round, and we went on to thrive as a couple knowing what may be down the road.
Eleven years later it came back, and it came back strong. It started in her lungs and then spread to her pelvis, spine, and brain. Things were changing so fast that I started to get angry. I didn’t know who to talk to, I was just angry. I couldn’t do anything about her condition except support her and let her know I was there in whatever way she needed me to be. Tracy would want to lay in bed and talk at 2 AM because that’s all she wanted to do. I even got her a dog just after Christmas in 2011. Though she never connected to dogs before, she and Chewwie became best friends and would comfort her by laying by her feet until she was admitted into the hospital.
While in the hospital, I would pass so many men who were also angry and felt lost like I did. It was so hard to even make eye contact with anyone. Many men and caretakers may not want to talk about it, but in the long run they will work their way through it like I did. I just want them to know that it’s ok to talk about it and ok to seek others to lean on. Up until a few years ago, after her passing, I began to feel more comfortable talking about my experience because I knew it may help others who are caretakers and supporters of their loved ones battling breast cancer. I became more active in the Gloria Gemma Breast Cancer Resource Foundation here in Rhode Island, and have been able to meet so many more men, like myself, who were still finding their way after a loss or after the first diagnosis. The organization even has a men’s club where husbands, fathers, brothers and men from all walks of life come together to talk about their experience and anger with breast cancer and to have a safe place to vent all of the feelings that come with it.
My wife was the strongest woman I knew, and it was so hard to not have been able to protect her from this devastating disease. However, I find peace in knowing that she is now pain-free. I am able to look at life with a whole new appreciation because I know how short it can be. To all the men who are on a similar path, please be there for your loved ones in whatever way they need when fighting breast cancer. I know you may feel helpless at times, but know that you are their rock and just holding their hand lets them know that they are never fighting alone.
I truly hope my story inspires even one person to be able to open up about their experience. There is so much help and support available to ease some of the emotional pain, and I am glad I did and continue to utilize it. I invite you to visit www.GloriaGemma.org to explore the many resources the organization offers and the strong community they have built around battling breast cancer.
